I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
Randomize
