If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
Randomize
