he wants to bone in the snuggie
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
Randomize