tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize
