Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
BRING THE BAGELS
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
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