My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
Randomize
