she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
I will pee on everything he values.
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
how do you play pong handcuffed?
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
Randomize
