She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
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