are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
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