now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
Randomize
