Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
Randomize
