I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
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