he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
She's just so happy...and so naked.
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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