Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
Randomize
