I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
Randomize
