and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
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