my mouth tastes like poor choices
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
Randomize
