if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
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