Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
Randomize
