thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
Randomize
