Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
Randomize
