Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
I deserve to be covered in dicks
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
