I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
