roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
Randomize
