I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
Randomize
