Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
Randomize
