i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
Randomize