Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Randomize
