So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
Randomize
