i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
