I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
Randomize