I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
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