living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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