I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
Randomize
