just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Randomize
