Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
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