How do i ask the guy i made out with for 4 hours if he is gay? He keeps telling me i'm so adorable and that he had a ''blasty''
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
