wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
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