Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
Randomize
