Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
Randomize
