After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
Randomize
