I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
Randomize
