if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
I think I am morally bankrupt
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
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