he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
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