you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
Randomize
