Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
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