there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
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