i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
