I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
