That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
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