You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
never play flip cup with pint glasses
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
Randomize
