i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Randomize
