So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize
