We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
Randomize
