Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
