Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
Randomize
