There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
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