Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
