I think that we as people have rights and that we should at the very least be warned before being subjected to Fergie
he thought i was a dude.
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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