So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
It's just like the Real World with babies
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
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