my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
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