why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Randomize
