wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
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