I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
