She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
