I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
Randomize
