Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
I know her cup size but not her name....
Randomize
