took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
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