when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Randomize
