I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
Randomize
