Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
if only i could text you this smell
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Randomize
