Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
I think I sprained my soul last night
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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