hell yes lets make some ravioli
ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
